


Lost in the Golden Hour

by LeviSqueaks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A truly mortifying swipe of a baby wipe, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Biting, Blowjobs, Bottom!Sam, Dirty Talk, Enemas, Exhibitionism, First Time, Gabriel is Loki, Gay Sex, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Memory Wipe, Porn Square, Porn Star Gabriel, Pre-Stanford Era (Supernatural), Sam Winchester is having a bad day, Size Difference, Unsafe Sex, Voyeurism, porn au, top!Gabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:15:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeviSqueaks/pseuds/LeviSqueaks
Summary: They say there are those brief moments in photography. Where the light and atmosphere come together to make something truly magical. They call it the Golden Hour.After getting his acceptance into Stanford, Sam faces an ultimatum: college, or his family. He makes the impossible choice but soon realizes he has nowhere to go when his financial aid and dorms aren't accessible for another three months. In dire need of a quick solution, Sam snaps up the first opportunity that falls in his lap - Porn.Sam meets “Loki'', a seasoned porn actor who makes his first time, and first time on camera, a piece of cake. But just when things seem to be finally on track… Loki disappeared without a trace. It's not until years later when the archangel Gabriel leaves a message for Sam in a Casa Erotica DVD that Sam realizes who Loki really was.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 28
Collections: Gabriel Big Bang, Gabriel Bingo





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the amazing TerryDraven for partnering with me to make something glorious and magical for the Gabriel Big Bang! His art is fantastic! Another shout-out to the amazing Mistress Pandora who helped me whip this up into posting shape!

Chapter 1

 _“If you walk out that door, don’t you bother coming back!”_ Sam startled awake as the eighteen-wheeler he was in downshifted loudly. Sitting up, he felt a little foolish for allowing himself to fall asleep with the stranger driving. He glanced over at the grizzled driver and offered a small apologetic smile but the man didn’t seem to care as he waved his hand in Sam’s direction. “Stopping here for the night, there’s a hotel down the street and a bar to eat at.”

“Yeah sure, thanks again for the ride. I really appreciate it,” Sam agreed. “Uh… where are we?”

“California, Missouri.”

Well it wasn’t the California that Sam needed to get to, but it was a start, and eight hours away from where he left his old life behind.

Getting out of the truck, he grabbed his duffle and turned back to the driver. “Thanks again, uh… so,” he fumbled.

The driver opened his door and spit down to the sidewalk. “Hotel’s down the block, about half a mile. Can’t miss it,” he grumbled as he shut the truck off.

Sam nodded, waved goodbye with another quick _thank you_ and started walking down the street toward the hotel. He found a staple of his childhood—a crumbling motel with weeds growing up in the parking lot and a few questionable cars littering the asphalt. Sam sighed and walked to the lobby, hands clenching around his wallet in his pocket. “Yeah, hello,” the man at the counter greeted him. It was a slightly different dance, asking for a single room instead of a double but he managed to get through it without stumbling. He handed over the bogus card to pay for the room when the man stared up at him. “The card declined, kid.”

Sam felt his stomach drop out from under him. “Uh weird… okay how much is the room?” He only had fifty bucks to his name from the last few hustles that he and Dean had pulled.

“Thirty-nine for the night.”

Sam swallowed and tugged forty out of his wallet and handed it over. He had eleven dollars to eat and figure out what he was going to do next. He needed to make some cash or he was never getting to California.

* * *

As it turned out, Sam was still good at hustling pool, even though he got more scrutiny on his fake than he did when he had been with Dean or his dad. He managed to get through four more states without an issue on his winnings from two decent games. But as he walked along the highway, two hours out from Stanford, he was starting to worry that his luck had run out.

He felt like that stupid _Titanic_ movie, five bucks in his pocket and the air in his lungs… and the fact that he knew that reference was getting blamed squarely on Dean. A car approached and Sam threw out his thumb, muttering thanks when they stopped. He felt even better when it was a pair of women that offered him a ride and dropped him off a mile and a half from the campus. At this point, Sam never wanted to go on another walk.

Arriving on campus made Sam realize just how out of place he looked. Shaggy hair checked out, but his worn duffle, scuffed boots, and flannel were out of style around the few people he spotted. He only got a little lost on his way to the registrar’s office and stepping inside the cool building was a blessed release.

Or a bucket of ice water.

Sam had been accepted, they had received his letter on time. But his dispersal wouldn’t be for another two months, and the dorms didn’t open up until a week before the semester started. He stumbled back into the sunshine in a daze. He had five bucks and two months to get through and then this nightmare could be over.

He walked away from campus, past the trendy bars and further into the suburbs, trying to come up with a plan. He could survive… he could always jack into a car and sleep in it. Or steal a tent or something. He had lived rough before to get through a hunt. Hell, he could find a decent job, work any number of positions to help him out. But it wouldn’t help tonight.

After a solid hour of walking, he came upon a shoddy bar and decided to take his chances. He would need to make some money in order to eat and have a place to sleep and shower. Tomorrow he could start looking for a job.

Of course, Sam didn’t anticipate that he would target the wrong guy. Or that he would have so many friends. He definitely didn’t plan on getting caught out and having his ass handed to him. Sure, he should have seen it coming, his luck couldn’t always hold out. But nursing bruised ribs was not the way to hustle his way around for money, and now he had nothing left.

He ended up picking a lock at the local library and sneaking in to sleep in a back corner, using the sink to fill his stomach and wash away the blood. His last dollar went into the vending machine, a packet of Funyuns falling into the tray and Dean’s voice echoing in his head, “ _Eat your veggies, Sammy._ ”

He missed Dean. Dean would definitely know what to do right now. Bundling his bag beneath him and covering himself with his hoodie, Sam closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. He would figure out a job tomorrow.

* * *

It turned out, respectable jobs usually meant interviews, resumes, and references. Not to mention a two to three week wait for his first paycheck. After the second interview that promised to get back to him, Sam collapsed on a bench and groaned in frustration. Carrying around his duffel bag definitely didn’t help him out, and the crumpled road clothes certainly didn’t make him look respectable.

He was sitting on a bench in the park trying to find a new place to apply on Craigslist when he caught sight of an advertisement. "Young male actors needed. Paid same day, adults only. Priority given to strong, athletic, and muscular builds. Innocent face for a bonus. Average shoot $450-$800. No experience necessary.”

Well, that wasn’t shady at all.

Still, it was good money and it beat working fast food for $7.25 an hour and a three-week wait for a paycheck. He took a deep breath and opened an email, putting the obligatory, “Golden Hour” in the subject line. He indicated that he was eighteen, interested in learning more about the position, and available anytime.

Clicking send put a spike of dread in his stomach, but he breathed out through it and tried to figure out what to do while he waited. He looked at the gigs section and came across another two options to help haul furniture. Replying to both, he squared his shoulders. Fifteen bucks and three opportunities. He knew this would be hard, but he was sure he could do it.

Luckily one of the hauling jobs called him right back and he was able to make fifty dollars, enough to eat and have another night at the hotel. He walked down to the nearest diner, getting a table and opening his laptop to check his email. He had a response from the modeling gig and his heart seized in his chest for a moment as he clicked into it. It simply asked for his phone number and he quickly replied with it.

He had just managed to order a coffee and a tuna sandwich when his phone began to ring. There was a quick moment where Sam hoped it was Dean but seeing a California number he stamped down the disappointment at the same time that his stomach twisted with nerves. God, that fast? “Hello?”

“Hey there, I’m calling for Sam,” the voice stated cheerfully on the other line.

Sam wasn’t sure what he had been expecting but the nondescript female voice that was beyond cheerful certainly wasn’t it. He cleared his throat and smiled at the waitress when she brought his coffee over. ‘Yeah, hey, this is Sam.”

“Well, hi there, we got your response to the call for actors. Thanks for getting back to us so quickly and spelling everything out in your emails. The grammar was greatly appreciated. We’re holding open auditions today at three, can you make it?”

Sam swallowed down the bile and nerves that creeped up his throat. “Uh… actors? I thought this… was a modeling… gig?”

There was a chuckle from the other end of the line. “Well we can’t come straight out on Craigslist with it, it causes a huge headache. We’re looking for young guys, muscular or fit, to star in an adult film.”

Sam choked a little on his coffee and felt his face bloom red with embarrassment. Okay. That made much more sense.

“Sam? Are you still interested?”

Sam coughed and cleared his throat. He… well, fuck, he hadn’t expected that, even with the suspicious listing. But… he needed the money and it wasn’t like it was worse than anything else he had done. “Y—yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah uh… yes. Where would I go for… for the auditions?”

There was a chuckle on the other side of the line and then she rattled off the address. “Hey Sam?”

He stared down at the address, written on a dinner napkin with dread. “Yeah?”

“You don’t sound campy, but show up looking kinda rugged if you can? Like good ol’ American boy, and be ready to shoot today if you get picked. It will definitely help.”

“Y—okay, uh, today? Sure. Yeah, sure, I can do that. No problem!” he stuttered, and got another laugh in response.

“Great. When you arrive, just ask for Amy! See ya then, champ.”

Sam stared down at the disconnected line just as the waitress brought over his sandwich. Well… Fuck.

Sam had gone back to the hotel and had checked in, using the next 30 minutes to shower, shave, and change into his nicest clothes. He wasn’t exactly sure what Amy had meant by rugged, but the soft flannel over the solid t-shirt and jeans seemed “all-American” enough to potentially fit the bill. He caught the bus, thankful he could eliminate some of the walking this time, which suited his aching feet and minimized the time he had to freak out about this.

What the hell was he doing? He wanted to get away from the nonsense of hunting, wanted to join society, be good at something. But at the same time, he was pretty sure porn didn’t fit into that narrative.

He was just having horrible thoughts of Dean finding him on some terrible _Casa Erotica_ flick on the road when his stop was called and he found himself in front of the studio.

The next thirty minutes were a whirlwind. He had approached the business, told the secretary that he was looking for Amy, and then had been accosted by a five-foot-nothing girl with a green mohawk. “God, Sam, when I said to come All-American and rugged you really delivered. Righteous! Come on, you’re perfect, we just need to go over some details.”

What followed was an in-depth discussion about whether he was clean (yes), if he had on briefs or boxers (Uh, boxer briefs?). Whether he would be alright with a male on male shoot, “Because I have the best idea for a partner for you!” (Uh… uh… y-yeah?) Whether he had ever bottomed before (no) whether he would be alright bottoming (I… think so?) and whether he would be willing to have sex without a condom for an extra five hundred dollars (Fuck… yeah, okay).

Then he was dragged into the back into what looked like a typical living room and put on a couch. “Here, sit here. We’re gonna get started in about twenty minutes, the girls will be out shortly to doll you up.”

And then he was left by himself, overwhelmed and completely shell-shocked in front of four large cameras in a nondescript living room.

He felt that same twist of uncertainty and anxiety roll in his stomach. He really shouldn’t be here. What the hell was he doing? He had just agreed to bottom—condom-free—with a man for the first time, on camera.

_Fuck._


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter 2 

Sam felt like he had been there for hours. He shifted on the seat, his feet planted firmly on the ground,staring around him with uncertainty as he tried to keep his wits about himself. Should he just leave? He hadn’t signed a contract or anything. He could just get up and walk out and no one could stop him. It would be completely fine. He glanced around when a few people walked in, several going toward the cameras that littered the room, and the lights adjusted slightly. 

He still had time, he could totally do this. _Just get up, Sam. Get up, walk out, go get a job as a waiter or something…_ His panic was interrupted as the couch jostled when a short man with golden eyes fell into it. Sam had been so caught up in his own mind and his worries that he hadn’t even seen the guy approaching the couch and it sent another jolt of sheer panic through him. 

Man, he was kind of cute though. 

Well maybe not traditionally handsome, but the guy was sitting there in jeans and a blue waffle knit shirt with a chain slung around his neck and a beanie that covered his hair. He had on a few bracelets, cord and hemp that reminded Sam of Dean so much that some of the panic lessened in his chest. 

“Hey there kiddo, first time?” The man technically asked it, but the way he angled his head and his quirky smile made it feel more like a statement than a question. 

Sam turned to face the shorter man, lost in the stubble and the freckles smattering across his face. Maybe this was the director? Or his uh… coworker? He wouldn’t be sad about it, that’s for sure. 

“Yeah, how’d you guess?” Sam asked dryly before holding a hand out to shake the other man’s. 

Golden hazel eyes crinkled up as the guy laughed softly. It was a short burst _ha!_ followed by a chuckle that made Sam relax just a little further into his chair. “Well the look of sheer panic on your face, for one,” the man teased as he took Sam’s hand in his own and shook firmly. “I’m Loki,” he introduced himself. 

“Uh… Sam. I guess I need a stage name or something?” he asked shyly. 

“Wouldn’t hurt, just to kind of throw people off but honestly, Sam’s a nice name kiddo. You should keep it. It’ll keep you in the moment when I’m moaning it out.” 

_Oh shit._

Okay, well… If Sam was going to have his first gay sexual experience, at least it was with someone that made his stomach warm in arousal. It could have been way worse. Sam had seen enough porn, being Dean Winchester’s brother, to know that there were some ugly-ass guys out there. He belatedly realized that there were people in the room with them, one of them with a camera that was pointed right at them but the rest were milling about in disinterest so he just relaxed back and settled into the conversation with Loki.

Hell, if Sam were in a bar and Loki had hit on him, he definitely would have flirted back. “Well, uh,” he floundered as he tried to think of how to respond to that. “I… yeah?” 

Loki laughed again but it wasn’t mean or mocking, rather a fond chuckle, “Yeah, so is this your first time having gay sex?” The question came quickly and suddenly and Sam felt the flush rise up his cheeks, hot and obvious.

Sam shifted and squirmed on the couch, mindless of the crew who were already recording. He swallowed as his voice cracked the moment he tried to respond and he cleared his throat. “Yes,” he admitted, “I… haven’t ever had sex with a man before, I don’t really know what I’m doing but uh, I’d like to.” 

Loki smirked and lifted himself up, shifting to the middle seat of the couch to press right up against Sam. This close, he was significantly smaller than Sam but his presence seemed to radiate out, making Sam feel safe and small. The only one who had ever done that for Sam was Dean and it made him melt a little more. 

Loki brushed up against Sam’s shoulder, whiskey eyes staring up into his own. Now Sam could smell him and he didn’t know what soap the man was using or if it was a cologne, but he smelled like wood fire and the scent of old books and fragrant oil. It was an intoxicating scent that made Sam sway a little closer. Loki reached up to grip Sam’s hair at the nape of his neck, tugging Sam down for a gentle kiss. 

Sam froze for just a moment, his own limited experience blown out of the water with the achingly sweet kiss he had not expected. The little sparks of pain from his hair being pulled made him groan in pleasure and he melted forward into the kiss, leaning down enough to press firmly against Loki. 

The world around them seemed to melt away, the lights and cameras and others in the room who had suddenly gone quiet at some point… it all melted out of existence as Loki angled his head and bit down lightly on Sam’s lip, deepening the kiss into something filthy. 

Sam kissed back, happily letting Loki lead, his hands slowly sliding forward across Loki’s sides and back to pull him closer. He felt fuzzy, like he was sinking into warm water, opening his mouth to Loki’s tongue. It was honestly the best kiss he had ever experienced and his cock started to harden in interest. 

Loki pulled back, his lips red and bruised as they spread into a smirk. Sam idly realized that someone had come up beside them but he ignored them to stare into Loki’s eyes. They were light to the point of almost glowing and if he wasn’t so obviously human, Sam might have worried he was dealing with a shapeshifter. 

Chuckling, Loki reached up to cup Sam’s cheeks as he pushed up and straddled Sam’s thighs. He was certainly smaller than Sam as he fit so nicely in his lap but Sam sucked in a deep breath in shock at the action. His hands came up to grip at Loki’s back, hands spreading wide and low, cupping hips even as his own stuttered up instinctually. 

Loki tugged on Sam’s shirt and Sam reluctantly released his hold to raise his arms. He yanked it up over his head and then those warm hands were running down, teasing over Sam’s clavicle and across broad shoulders before running down over his chest, flicking nipples before teasing down across his taut stomach. “Well, fuck, Kiddo,” Loki managed as his whiskey eyes took in the long expanse of Sam’s torso. “You were a pretty package before I unwrapped you but now you’re just sinful.” 

Cherry lips curled up at the word _sinful_ and the sight twisted at Sam’s stomach. He surged forward to kiss Loki again, desperate, his own hands sliding down to curl under Loki’s henley and drag it up. He broke the kiss quickly as he drew the shirt up over his head, eyes roaming across the messy hair and pale skin. 

His hands spread wide across Loki’s chest and down his sides, his own skin tanned next to Loki’s, creating a great contrast. Soft hair scattered across Loki’s chest did nothing to detract from his appeal, and Sam ran his fingers through it in delight as he bent to kiss across the freckles dotting Loki’s shoulders. He dove in for another kiss. 

Loki indulged Sam, leaning close so their bodies could rock against each other. He was getting hard as well and Sam felt a rush excitement and a little bit of nervousness bolt through him. Loki ground down against Sam’s cock, which was already completely on board, before he slid down Sam’s legs to kneel in front of him. Sam froze, eyes going wide. Loki smirked up at him before flicking open Sam’s belt and tugging at the button. “You ever had your cock sucked by a guy before, Kiddo?” 

Sam didn’t know where the whine came from, but he felt heat flush up his chest and neck to burn at his ears as Loki unzipped his jeans and yanked them sharply downward. Sam’s grey boxer briefs were damp where they rested against his leaking head, straining upward. He managed to shake his head _no_ , words trapped in his throat as he zeroed in on how Loki’s own eyes darkened while taking in the outline of Sam’s cock. 

“You’re a bigger boy than I thought,” the shorter man breathed. Nimble hands ran up Sam’s thighs, scratching red lines into tanned skin before they cupped Sam’s cock through the material. 

Sam’s breath kept getting stuck in his chest as Loki hooked fingers in his boxer briefs and dragged them down, over Sam’s cock, and then down to his thighs. Sam’s cock bounced up and smacked against his own stomach, leaving a smear of precum on his skin and movement registered in his periferary. His attention was quickly diverted back to Loki when a warm hand wrapped around his cock. God it looked huge next to Loki’s face, something he hadn’t expected. 

Loki was focused on his cock instead of Sam’s face and Sam watched as unnameable expressions crossed over the man’s features. Sam’s mouth fell open as Loki stroked him slowly, the feeling almost too much with how wound up he was. He knew logically that there were people in the room but everything else was so far away. The only thing he could take in was Loki on his knees. It narrowed further and Sam threw his head back with a whine as Loki leaned forward and wrapped his lips around his cock. 

He swore thickly, left hand clenching against the arm of the couch as the right shakily moved to pet Loki's hair and the man sank down over the head of his cock and then lower down his length. The molten hot pressure around his cock was so much, too much, and it only took a few minutes before Sam’s thighs started shaking and he grunted causing Loki to drag himself up and laugh. He stood then, a whimper falling unbidden from Sam's open mouth before Loki hauled him up with surprising strength. 

Sam towered over Loki by more than half a foot and felt suddenly ridiculous with his pants at his ankles and his boxers around his thighs. 

Loki seemed entirely unfazed and he ran reverent hands up Sam's body before laying a kiss upon his chest. "Kneel on the couch for me, Kiddo," he bade, guiding Sam down. Sam buried his face in the back of the couch as warm hands slid down his back, nails scratching down the expanse before they gripped his ass and spread Sam's cheeks. "I'm going to love taking you apart," Loki murmured as hands rustled under the cushion next to Sam and a snap of a lid opening echoed around them. 

Sam swallowed and whined as a finger traced around the furled opening, slick with lube before "And _cut_!" echoed around them, startling Sam back to reality. 

"That was perfect Sam! Loki! Good job. Okay a break for prep work and we'll start back up!" 

Sam peeked up at a man he’d never seen before, who held a book in his hands and leaned over to review a camera. Two cameramen passed nonsensical compliments to Sam as he tried to pull himself back to reality. 

Loki had let go of Sam’s cheeks and then dragged Sam’s boxers back up for him, gently soothing a hand across his back before he circled around and smiled fondly at Sam. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek, "great job, Kiddo," he praised. "They're going to take you back to get cleaned up and stretched for me and then we'll keep going, okay?" the older man said gently, petting Sam's hair. 

Sam nodded shyly and tried to force himself up enough to stand. His knees wobbled and he locked them before tugging his jeans back up over his flagging erection and toed off his shoes as two women approached to whisk him away. 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter 3

The next half-hour was one of the most humiliating of Sam’s life. When Dean had referenced porn, he made it sound sexy and cool and what little Sam had seen gave the same impression. It didn’t show the behind the scenes work that was required, which Sam wished he didn’t know about. 

Sam had been taken into the back into a real room with a bathroom. He had been introduced by Amy to a guy and a girl and asked if he had a preference for who would help him get ready for the set. Sam had stammered that he didn’t have a preference, getting a chuckle from both and the man, Zach, had elected to stay back. He had kissed Sam on the cheek—and honestly, that was the third one today, it was becoming an odd habit—and handed him a large red, rubber bag with a hose and nozzle attached. “Have you ever had an enema before?” Zach asked as he led Sam into the bathroom and turned on the warm water in the sink. Sam stumbled and swallowed, staring down at the red bag in his hands with trepidation. “I’ve heard of them, but I’ve never had one,” he admitted. 

“It’s not as scary as it sounds, but they’ll be getting up close and personal on you and Loki so you’ll want to be really cleaned out. It makes everything a little more sensitive too which is nice. Do you want some help to do it?” 

Sam flushed deep red and quickly shook his head. “Oh, uh… no I mean, fill it up, put the nozzle in, let it fill me up, and, uh…” Zach grinned. “You’ll wait about ten to fifteen minutes or until you’re cramping pretty bad and you don’t feel like you can hold it anymore, then you just sit and let it all come out. It’s gonna come in waves though, so don’t think you’re done as soon as the first, uh, _rush_ comes out,” he said cheerfully. 

Sam scrubbed a hand through his hair, mortified at the realization that everyone would know exactly what was happening right now. “Yeah, uh… thanks?” 

Zach snorted. “Sure thing, holler if you need me, I’ll just be in the bedroom.” 

And Sam was left alone. 

It was the most humiliating fifteen minutes of his life. The water gushed out and he had to quickly crimp the hose to keep it from spraying out all over the bathroom. Then he had to apply a medical style lubricant to the nozzle and prop his leg up to awkwardly reach behind himself to shove the nozzle in. He was so nervous that it took several deep breaths to relax enough and the stretch was noticeable enough that he had a moment of sheer panic wondering if he would be able to take Loki without crying on camera. 

He held the bag up a little too high when he unclamped the hose and the rush of water made him gasp, eyes closing at the odd sensation. Immediately he had to push the nozzle a little deeper to keep it from feeling like it was going to propel itself out of his ass, and he stared down at his feet, refusing to look up into the mirror. God this was horrible. 

When he finally emerged nearly twenty minutes later, he found Zach spread out across the bed, reading a book. There was a towel on the bed next to him with lubricant and a plug beside it. This… might be worse. 

“Okay, Sam, come get comfortable! We’re on a bit of a schedule so we need to get going. I’m going to get you relaxed and prepped so that when Loki ‘n you are on set you’ll have the ability to take his fingers for the camera real easy and it won’t take so long for him to get in and fuck you. So I need you to get undressed and on the towel for me so we can get going, okay?” The whole conversation was presented in a cheery tone. 

_Fuck._

“Sure,” Sam managed, though he wasn’t sure that he could meet Zach’s eyes. “Do you… uh, do this often?” 

Zach snorted. “Yeah I’ve had my fingers buried knuckle deep in hundreds of guys by now. But it pays good money and it can be fun to meet new people. Now come on, hop up.” 

Okay. Sam wasn’t sure how to handle that one, so he just pushed his jeans and boxers down, flushed cherry red from chest to ears and got on the bed. Zach fiddled with his phone until music started to play. Sam hadn’t ever done this, and his nervousness must have shown because Zach tossed the phone down and leaned over to kiss Sam deeply. His hand spread across Sam’s chest, pinching his nipple while his tongue probed against Sam’s lips, his other hand sliding up to tug Sam’s hair. 

Despite all of the doubt and worry in Sam’s mind, he relaxed into the kiss, a stuttering moan escaping him as he bucked into the fingers teasing across his chest. He wasn’t hard but he still felt little sparks of pleasure with each pinch and roll of his nipple between warm fingers. They continued there for a moment before trailing down his stomach, making Sam flinch away at the tickle before they teased across his hip. 

Sam felt that same bubble of anxiety twist in his stomach as a dry finger slipped between his cheeks before that warm hand slid down to his thigh and tugged it up over Zach’s hip. Like this, he felt more exposed and then suddenly those fingers were teasing across his entrance and playing with the rim. 

Sam sucked in a deep breath, eyes snapping open to stare into Zach’s and the other man pulled back to smile at him as the finger pulled away and he reached for the lube. “It’s alright, just relax. We’ll take it slow,” he promised Sam quietly, the music nearly drowning out his reassurance. 

Sam nodded and Zach pressed forward to kiss him again slowly. After a few moments, his hand snuck back around to tease a slicked finger against Sam’s rim. Sam clenched tight before exhaling loudly through his nose and closing his eyes again to focus on the kiss, relaxing. Zach took his time teasing at his entrance before slowly slipping his finger into Sam. The intrusion didn’t burn like Sam expected as he had relaxed under the massage, and that startled him into staring at Zach. 

The other man’s eyes were closed as he continued to tease his tongue against Sam’s, visibly relaxed, and it let Sam settle further into the bed as Zach pressed the finger deeper then slowly dragged it out, moving in a steady rhythm. 

After several long moments, Zach pressed a second finger into Sam, slipping it in after nearly pulling the first free. Sam moaned deeply at the slow press, the stretch noticeable as it sent a shiver up his spine. He knew logically that many people enjoyed anal sex but he hadn’t expected the first time he was fingered to feel this good. He shuddered, rocking forward as his cock twitched and hardened a bit in response to the stimulation. 

It continued, two fingers slowly pressing in and dragging out, until Zach shifted his hand and stretched his fingers out, widening the stretch while buried deep within Sam’s ass. Sam loved it and he rocked forward against Zach’s thigh, earning a chuckle from the other man. “Hmm,” Zach managed as he pulled back. “Loki made me promise not to touch your pleasure spot, said he wanted to be the first. Just imagine how great his fingers are gonna feel once they’re in you. He’s gonna have you dripping for him,” he promised before adding a third finger and slowly pushing all three in. 

The teasing words only made Sam whine as he rocked back against the wider intrusion, a shudder running down his body as he panted into Zach’s neck at the even greater stretch. There was a bit of ache in it, his body having to adjust to it. After his enema, he was so sensitive that he had to breathe through it for several long moments until he could relax and slowly rock back on Zach’s fingers. 

It took another five minutes before Sam felt completely at ease with three and then more lubricant was added as Zach twisted his fingers and slowly worked in his pinkie. Sam cried out a bit, his cock hard and at attention from the mix of relaxation, pleasure, and twinges of pressure-pain. He had never felt this full. “Four?” 

“Yeah, babe, it’s gonna take us about ten minutes to get you back out and in position. This will keep you nice and loose so that it doesn’t take much from Loki to get you ready on camera. Usually our bambies—uh, doe-eyed new actors—clench up a bit once they’re back out on camera. You’ll only get a couple minutes of stretching when you’re back on the couch and this will help make that nice and easy. Plus, Loki’s not the longest cock we’ve had, but he’s nice and thick which can be a bit tough for your first.” 

Sam was really grateful for the explanation but he clenched tight at the word thick and he had to breathe to relax around the four fingers thrusting deep. Zach had all of his fingers seated and was slowly massaging against Sam’s walls which had Sam’s cock twitching and beading precum in response. 

“Come on, cutie, I think you’re as ready as we’re gonna get you,” Zach said after a few moments. Sam hummed in agreement as he tugged his head out from under Zach’s chin and got a fond smile in response as Zach pulled his hand free. 

“Fuck, I feel so empty,” Sam grunted. 

Zach threw his head back and he laughed, playfully smacking Sam’s hip. “Well, come on then! We’ll get a nice cock to fill you up!” 

Sam was surprised how good that sounded. 

After a truly mortifying swipe of a baby wipe to remove any traces of lube, Zach dragged Sam back out to the set, tossing the baby wipe in the trash on their way out of the room. Loki was waiting on the couch, a fluffer slowly sucking his cock to get him hard again. Sam stared for a moment before flushing and focusing on Zach as he grabbed a camera and then guided Sam to the couch, carefully adjusting his knee and hand placements so that he was exactly as he had been before the director had called cut. 

Zach had been correct, Sam had lost some of his arousal in embarrassment from walking back out to set naked and he clenched tightly at the thought of having all of these eyes on him as he lost his virginity. He was pretty sure that he’d get back into it when Loki was with him. But for now, kneeling a few cushions away from the man casually getting a blow job and several people talking, he was tempted to bury his face in his arms and hide. 

Zach, who Sam was pretty sure was a guardian angel, circled around to smile at Sam. “Want a blowjob too?” he teased, gaining a laugh from Sam. Zach leaned in and kissed him teasingly. “Just relax, we’ll be right to it and it will all melt away.” 

Sam nodded but choked when Zach turned to grin at Loki as the girl got off her knees to wander off. “I left his prostate alone. I expect you to make Bambi here shake and shudder when you slick him up.” 

Loki’s golden eyes twinkled brightly in the lights and he nodded in agreement. “Oh, I intend to. Don’t you worry, kiddo. I’ll take really good care of you.” 

“Alright, places, everyone, let’s get going!” the director yelled, startling Sam again. 

Loki came over and tugged Sam’s head toward him to stare into Sam’s eyes. “Relax, kiddo, I’ve got ya,” he promised as he leaned in for a kiss and a hand sneaked down to stroke Sam slowly. Sam gasped into the kiss as his hips stuttered forward, thrusting his cock into Loki’s tight grip, embarrassment washing over him again as he grew hard fast in the warm grip. 

Just like before, it was as if a curtain had fallen around the two of them. Sam’s awareness of everything around them drifted away as he focused on the kiss and the feeling of Loki’s hand wrapped around his cock. His other hand had settled on Sam’s hip and the grip was so warm and reassuring, it felt like a brand against his skin. 

After a few more slow, lazy kisses Loki pulled away to drift behind him. Sam only vaguely heard the director call, “Action!” as he focused on Loki’s hands on his ass, spreading his cheeks. He felt exposed and vulnerable, but it didn’t seem to matter anymore. 

Sam waited for the press of fingers, forcing himself to relax as one of Loki’s hands slid up to press lightly against Sam’s lower back. Sam let the man guide him as his ass pressed backwards to Loki’s pleased hum. But it wasn’t fingers that touched against him, instead, Sam barely registered warm breath before Loki’s tongue was suddenly pressing against his entrance, teasing across sensitive skin. Sam cried out and his cock twitched, beading precum in response. He tried to jerk forward but was kept in place by Loki’s firm hands as he teased his tongue against Sam and wet him. 

Sam sobbed in response, unsure how to respond to the sensation before he felt the shift of Loki’s movements and the familiar sound of lube opening. Sam felt Loki’s tongue pull away, whining again at the loss, pressing back to chase it while Loki chuckled and then teased a finger against him. “Relax, kiddo, I’ve got you. Just gotta get you ready to take my cock,” the man murmured huskily. 

Zach’s work had helped tremendously, and Sam relaxed as Loki pressed a finger into him, rocking it back and forth with a lot more speed and pressure than Zach had originally used. But Sam was relaxed enough that the slide was quick and easy and he only moaned when Loki added a third finger after a few more thrusts. There was some acknowledgement of movement behind and to the side of him, but Sam paid it no mind as he focused on Loki’s thick fingers. They seemed so much bigger than Zach’s and Sam was glad he had taken four before because Loki was stretching him wide with just two. 

Sam rocked back against them, desperate to be full again like he had earlier when Loki suddenly twisted his wrist and teased against Sam’s walls. The twist of fingers crooking up hit something inside of Sam that lit him up and caused his mouth to drop open in a high cry as he spasmed. His fists clenched tight in the material of the couch cushions and he rocked back against Loki’s hand, getting a laugh from the man behind him who bent to kiss Sam’s shoulder. “That’s right, kiddo… Feels good doesn’t it?” 

Sam felt fucked out and he couldn’t think of the right words to reply, nodding quickly in response and whining as Loki teased at his prostate over and over. Each flick of Loki’s fingers made Sam’s cock jolt and precum started dripping down his length before Loki pulled his fingers almost completely free and pushed a third in. 

“Fuck!” Sam cried out as he rocked back. His entire body was shaking in pleasure and he was afraid he was going to cum before Loki even got to fuck him. “Please! Please fuck me, please… Need it,” he babbled as Loki teased against his prostate once and Loki only laughed in response before pulling his fingers free. 

“Noooo,” Sam whined at the loss, feeling empty and open again. 

“Relax, baby, I’ve got you,” Loki soothed before a wide cock was pressed up against Sam’s entrance. The pressure was wide and hard and Sam sucked in a breath as he could feel Loki’s heat against his rim. Loki spread his cheeks as he pressed his cock forward and Sam could only imagine what it looked like with Loki’s thick head pressing against his hole. He could feel himself spreading around Loki’s cock and he relaxed into it, gasping when the head slipped in and Loki slowly pressed into him. It was a slow push, studded by little drags back before inching ever further into him. The slide in seemed like it took an hour and an instant all at once until Loki was fully pressed in, curling forward to kiss Sam’s back as he heaved in great gulps of air. Sam clenched and spasmed around Loki’s cock, which still seemed thicker than even the four fingers that Zach had fucked him with. Each withdrawal had Sam shuddering at the slide against his walls and each thrust forced a grunt or moan from Sam’s throat, his hands flexing against the back of the couch as his eyes fluttered shut. 

“Gods you feel so good wrapped around my cock, kiddo,” Loki breathed as he sped his thrusts. He slammed forward hard enough for his hips to smack loudly into Sam’s ass, the sound echoing around them. Sam idly recognized there was someone in front of him but he couldn’t force his eyes open enough to look. 

Time blurred around them, narrowed until it felt like Sam was physically blanketed in warmth and safety. It felt like a weight was curled around him, surrounding him and hiding him from the world until all Sam knew was the slide of Loki’s cock thrusting into him again and again. 

Sam rocked back against Loki, face flushed red and panting with the overwhelming pleasure. Maybe it was because it was his first time, or perhaps it was just because Loki was so thick, but Sam couldn’t imagine feeling more full than he did with Loki claiming him. 

“God, baby, gonna fill you up now,” Loki managed and he bent close, nipping at Sam’s shoulder. “I’m going to mark you as mine, are you ready for it?” 

“Yes!” Sam cried out as Loki pushed him down, changing the angle of his thrusts and grinding up directly across Sam’s prostate before speeding up and thrusting fast and rough into Sam. Each slam of Loki’s hips echoed around them as he thrust against Sam’s prostate until he wailed and came. His entire body shook from it, cum pooling on the couch cushion beneath them as Loki kept up the brutal pace until he stiffened and gripped Sam’s hips tight as he stuttered forward. 

He was hot, so hot, and Sam swore he could feel the man’s cum filling him up as he clenched down tight around Loki’s cock. 

Sam panted and gripped the couch more to hold himself upright. His head spun and he felt the weight around him shift away. The room suddenly got brighter and clearer, the cameraman in front of him uncomfortably close as Sam felt tears track down his face. Loki was still throbbing inside of him, and Sam could feel every inch even as he collapsed forward to sprawl over his back, his hips canted up still. “Okay, baby,” Loki soothed as a hand pet down Sam’s back. 

Sam cried out mournfully as Loki slowly pulled back. Sam was so sensitive that he felt the slow, tortuous slide of Loki pulling free and he sobbed as the head spread his overly sensitive rim a little wider before he pulled completely free. Sam tried to clench his ass in response, feeling achingly empty and exposed and he felt a little extra motion behind him as Loki’s seed started to leak out of him, running out and down Sam’s perineum languidly. 

“Cut!” 

Fuck, that director was loud. 

As soon as the word came though, Loki wrapped a blanket around Sam’s shoulders and moved forward, hugging him from behind and pressing a kiss to his hair. “Good job, kiddo. Come on let’s go get you cleaned up,” he murmured softly as he guided Sam up to wobbly legs and wrapped a strong arm around his waist. 


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter 4: 

It turned out Loki had a soft side that extended past fucking on camera. He had supported Sam as he brought him back to the same room that Zach had prepared him in and helped him climb into the covers with a gentle kiss to his forehead. Sam wasn’t really sure what he was feeling but he turned to bury his face in the pillow as he felt tears welling in his eyes. Holy shit. He had just had sex with a man. He had just been filmed during his first time with a guy. He could… definitely feel cum sliding out of his ass. 

He stiffened when he felt a weight on the bed next to him and he was about to change his position to face Loki when he felt a warm, wet cloth sliding up between his cheeks. Sam flushed red and hands fisted tightly into the pillow in shock. “Holy shit,” he stammered in shock, embarrassment rushing over him. He knew he was cleaned out but it was still somehow more intimate than the actual sex had been. Loki chuckled over his head and then he shifted to lie down behind Sam, strong arms wrapping tightly around him. Sam sighed and relaxed into the firm hold, tension bleeding out of him as he felt the betrayal of more tears welling. “You alright, kiddo?” came the soft voice behind Sam. 

Sam nodded but sniffled, relaxing as the arms tightened even further around his waist. “Yeah, I just… sorry. First time.” 

Loki eyed him, and something in his expression softened further, “So you really were telling the truth earlier?” 

Sam turned to face Loki and got lost in the man’s eyes. They seemed like they held the universe in them, like he was older than time. He nodded as Loki leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. “Well, I think we’re going to have to do this out of order then, sweetheart. But why don’t you let me take you out for dinner?” 

Sam laughed wetly in response as he stretched, enjoying the soreness that he felt. He didn’t feel bad like he thought he might. Of course it hadn’t really sunk in yet. But he was surprisingly okay with it all at the moment. He looked over at Loki then, his eyes wandering down the man’s body in interest. “Yeah, that sounds good.” 

Loki surged forward to kiss Sam again, pushing him back into the bed and straddling his stomach to crowd over him. His tongue teased against Sam’s lips, deepening the kiss and his hands roamed down Sam’s chest and back up over his shoulders before Loki sat upright and smirked down at him. 

Sam couldn’t catch his breath. The other man wasn’t physically imposing but kneeling there over him, thick thighs spread over Sam’s waist and trim stomach stretched taut as he arched up in a stretch, it was like he was glowing above Sam. He let his eyes wander and his hands slid up hairy thighs before sighing and relaxing back into the bed as Loki climbed off of Sam, cock swaying and catching Sam’s eye again. Loki laughed and bent to kiss Sam again, hand curling in his hair and tugging playfully. “Get dressed, kiddo. I’ll meet you out by the couch and we can collect our pay and get the hell out of here.” 

_Right. Payment._ Sam nodded and forced himself up on his elbows as Loki teased a hand down his stomach and patted him there before turning to walk out of the door, still completely naked. 

Sam stared after him before laughing and scrubbing a hand over his face. He had to admire Loki’s complete lack of shame, if nothing else. Then again… he admired a lot more than that. 

He shook himself out of his current train of thought and forced himself to grab his clothes and backpack and make his way back out to the studio. He stared at the couch for a moment before he made his way toward the front office where he was accosted by Amy who dragged him over to the desk. 

“Okay, so like, anytime you want to come back? Please do. Roland absolutely loved shooting you—directing you, I mean. Gosh that always sounds so bad when I say it… Anywho! Roland loved having you in, apparently you and Loki just sparked! So here is your pay, the full $800, at Roland’s insistence,” Amy cheerfully informed as she handed over an envelope. 

Sam could feel his eyes bugging out as he took the check. He hadn’t expected to get the full amount that had been offered on the advertisement, or an offer to return. “Uh… thanks.” 

“Ready to go, kiddo?” Loki interrupted behind them before reaching around Sam to take the check that Amy held out to him. 

“Yeah. Bye, Amy. Thank you,” Sam managed as he followed Loki outside to a beautiful classic cherry red corvette. The nostalgia hit Sam, even though the corvette was the opposite of the powerful lines of the impala. Having a classic car that was so obviously loved, however, was just pushing home the fact that Sam wasn’t likely to see Dean again anytime soon. 

He was so lost in thinking about it that he agreed to Loki’s dinner suggestion without really hearing it and came to when he realized they had pulled up in front of a mexican restaurant. He was definitely down for tex mex but a sinking realization hit him as he opened the envelope to realize that his money was a check and not cash. “Uh… hey is there a bank around here? I need to cash this to, uh, cover…” 

Loki glanced down at his watch and shook his head, “It’s after seven, kiddo. No bank is gonna be open until Monday.” 

Dammit… Sam wasn’t going to cry about it, but the news definitely made his stomach plummet and something of that realization must have shown on his face. Loki’s golden eyes took in his expression before he reached out to pat Sam on the shoulder. “Hey, kiddo, I invited you out, it’s my treat.” 

Sam quickly shook his head, “I can’t let you do that man…” 

“What? A man can pop your cherry but he can’t buy you tacos? Forget about it, come on. I worked up an appetite on your sweet tush.” 

Sam sputtered before laughing and giving in gratefully. Loki grabbed his hand when they stepped out of the car and dragged him in, flirting with the waitress to get into a table and then pushing Sam in and sitting across from him with an eager smile. He was a full head shorter than Sam but he seemed to fill the space, always appearing much bigger than he should. His laugh was brash and loud and everything about him should have irritated Sam… but it didn’t. 

“So, yeah, I, uh… I made the choice and I walked out. Hitch-hiked my way here and I’m just waiting for my dorms to open up so I can settle in. I don’t know what I’m gonna do until August, but I’ll figure it out.” 

It was freeing to tell his story, especially when Loki grabbed his hand in the middle of talking about Dad and getting kicked out and looped his foot around Sam’s. 

“So that’s why you showed up all wide-eyed and blushing to do a porn shoot?” Loki asked, tone clearly free of judgement. 

Sam snorted, dragging a napkin up to his face while cussing as he tried to get the margarita Loki plied him with out of his nose. “Jesus… uh, yeah. I had fifty bucks to my name, and my dad cut off the credit card I had for emergencies, so I had to do something so I could… afford a room and eat,” he admitted quietly. 

Loki made a distressed noise at the prospect. “Well that’s it,” he declared. “You’re just going to stay with me until you get another movie or two under your belt and can afford it or… ya know, until your dorms open up.” 

Sam stared at Loki, his mind going static-blank. “I… no way. I can’t do that, Loki… I mean I appreciate it. You have no idea, but I just got paid, I’m fine.” 

“Bullshit, sweetheart, you just worried about dinner because you couldn’t get to the bank, your dad kicked you out like a total dick, and you’ve got three months before the damn dorms open. Look, I know how the movie studio works for newbies. You agreed to no condoms and took a load of spunk up the ass during your first time to make what, eight hundred bucks? Kiddo, come on! At least come stay with me through the end of the week, do another shoot so you can put away a little nest egg and get some savings to fall back on before you try to make it on your own. Even a shitty motel costs like forty a night.” 

Sam swallowed down the instant agreement and he looked across the table and stared at the shorter man. Life had taught him to be wary of kindness, not to trust a gift that seemed to have no strings. He bit his lip and distracted himself by tearing a napkin into tiny pieces. “Why do you want to help me?” 

Loki erupted in a bark of laughter. “Sweetheart, I had my dick up your ass an hour ago. You’ve been having a shit time and you could use the help. I’m in the position to be able to provide that help. Besides, we worked really well together this afternoon. I’m hoping that I can convince you to come in and do another film or two with me, I had a lot of fun.” 

Sam raised an eyebrow, tearing a longer strip. “I had a good time too, but do you want, like… uh payment? For staying at your place?” He couldn’t really act high and mighty about it but it would be good to know if Loki expected sex out of the deal. 

Loki leaned back and narrowed golden eyes at Sam in contemplation as he tapped his fingers on the table. “I’ll be honest, kiddo… I wouldn’t turn you down if you were interested and offering. But that’s not why I’m offering you a place to crash, Sam.” 

Sam was interrupted by the waitress bringing their food and he zeroed in on his plate. Fuck, that looked great. “I wouldn’t turn it down either. Uh, if you’re sure then... Yeah, Loki… that would be great.” 

For the next four months, Sam was blissfully happy. 

He had settled into Loki’s guest bedroom but by the third day had fallen asleep next to Loki, curling into his side as the man starfished across the bed. He was always surprised at how much space Loki could take up, but he loved it. They held out for almost a week before Sam had jumped across the couch to pin Loki down with a kiss. 

The man had laughed uproariously and had worked to flip Sam back against the couch and crawled over him, crowding in for a filthy kiss. They fit together so smoothly that Sam wondered if this was what relationships were supposed to feel like. Not that he would count the older man as his boyfriend. But the nights curled around the warm body and being woken up with a hand on his back was bliss. 

Loki had managed to talk Sam into three additional films, including one where Sam had been on his knees, sucking Loki’s cock while the man moaned, then Sam rode his cock, flushed and bracing himself backwards on Loki’s knees until he came, covering them both with cum. 

Everything had gone so well that Sam was completely blown away when he got the email that he only had two days before he would be moving into the dorms. “Fuck,” he managed, staring at his laptop, coffee cup frozen in mid air as he tried to wrap his head around the passage of time. It felt like he had moved into Loki’s apartment only a couple weeks ago. 

“What’s going on, sugarlips?” Loki asked as he came out of the back room dressed in a pair of jeans and nothing else. 

Sam stared at the email, a sense of loss and dread already filling him. “I uh… I forgot about move-in. The dorms open in two days,” he said quietly, eyes flicking up to take in Loki’s body. He knew that it was ridiculous, but he had fallen into a routine and felt so safe with Loki that he couldn’t imagine not waking up with the man every day.

They hadn’t labeled themselves. They didn’t… Sam mentally chastised himself. They weren’t boyfriends. Loki had opened his home and had helped Sam out. That didn’t mean the man wanted him to stick around. 

“Well, hell. That’s shit. Can’t you back out of staying at the dorms, keep staying here? God knows you’ll save money,” Loki asked as he went to gather a cup of coffee. 

Sam froze and blinked up at Loki. Was… What just happened? “I, uh… I think it’s part of my scholarship that I have to stay in the dorms? I can ask? But, uh, I mean I haven’t… You don’t need to do that?” 

Loki’s expression went blank, the same eerie nothingness that sometimes crossed his visage when he was frustrated or upset. It was a little scary to see and Sam stammered out a little more. “I mean, I really appreciate everything that you’ve done for me, Lo. Hell, you literally saved me from being homeless, you helped to keep me employed, you’ve given me a home and have been so, so generous. I don’t want to impose.” 

Loki gave one of his signature barked laughs and waved away Sam’s statement as if he could erase the thoughts. “Come on, kiddo, you know I like having you here in my home… and my bed. I thought you were staying.” The statement was said in a way to make it sound easygoing, joking, but there was a note of seriousness beneath the words. 

Sam stood and approached Loki, staring down at the shorter man and bending to kiss him. “I… you know I want to, right? I’ll talk to the counselors. See if I have to stay in the dorms. And if I do… I could still come over? Visit? I, uh… I didn’t know if you wanted to…”

Damn, why was this so hard? 

Loki pushed up, his ankles popping loudly as he fisted Sam’s hair and dragged him down for a kiss. 

Sam went easily into his arms and kissed back before he reached down to drag Loki up by his ass so that the shorter man could wrap his legs around Sam’s hips and he carried him to the bedroom. He could visit the counselor in the afternoon. 

Sam was devastated. He walked out of the administration offices and collapsed on one of the benches in the quad. He pulled his phone out and texted Loki. `I just talked to the counselor. I have to move into the dorm.`

Sam finally got up to catch the bus back, looking religiously at his phone to check if he had gotten a response. It took nearly thirty minutes and a bus change before his phone chimed. `It’s alright kiddo. We’ll figure it out`

Sam hated that long wait and he closed his eyes as he leaned against the window. This sucked. 

It did suck. 

Sam spent the rest of Thursday feeling off-kilter when he came home to find Loki missing. He cooked dinner and set it out, cleaning nervously as he tried to ignore the looming deadline swinging over him. He got a text at seven, when dinner had cooled completely on the table, that Loki was going to be out late and not to wait up. 

Sam slept in the bed alone that night. 

The next morning, when Sam was reluctantly gathering his things from every corner of the house—and, God, how had he managed to sprawl himself out that much in the other man’s home so quickly? Loki came home and immediately made his way to the kitchen to fix himself a drink. He had tousled hair and a wrinkled shirt that spoke of a wild night and Sam had to fight to keep his jealousy at bay. They were not boyfriends. He didn’t have any leg to stand on about being upset. 

“How ya doin, kiddo?” Loki asked and the man just seemed completely at ease. The exact opposite that Sam felt at that moment. 

Sam took a deep breath and tried to push down his worry and moved forward to catch the man in his arms and drag him into a kiss. “I’m great. Fuck me? I want to feel you tear me apart.” He just wanted the connection, wanted to feel Loki. He wanted the man to come back and be present. He wanted the assurance that everything would be the same tomorrow. Even if he was leaving. It wasn’t like he was leaving full-time. But he just wanted to make sure that the other man was on the same page. 

Loki’s eyes seemed to flash pure gold, like they were glowing as he ran a hand up Sam’s check and he smirked. “Well, then, I better get to work… shouldn’t I?” 

Sam ended up moving into the dorms with a slight limp the next day. He got caught up quickly, meeting his roommate Brady, unpacking into the cramped space—a far cry from the luxury that he had grown accustomed to living with Loki. 

He lay in the twin bed, missing the ability to stretch out and wrap himself around the shorter man. He texted Loki, `I miss you, I got spoiled getting to cuddle with you at night` but didn’t receive a reply. 

He fell asleep waiting for it, hoping to hear back from the older man. 

The next morning, Brady dragged him off at eight for an orientation tour and Sam started to map out his classes and the easiest routes to get to them. He attended all of the dorm meetings and met his RAs. He went to the quad, and attended the movie night. He had texted Loki twice in that time, once describing his dorm, the second to lament that he had fifteen minutes to run a mile and a quarter between buildings with his bags. They both went unanswered. 

Monday, Sam perseverated on the lack of response from Loki while he attended his first classes as a college student. He hated the realization that he wasn’t the smartest person in all of his classes, realizing just how much moving around had impacted his ability to coast. He was definitely going to have to cram over the next couple of weeks to ensure that he was prepared for his exams. 

He was captured by Brady on his way out of class and dragged to a meet-and-greet event in the quad. Dodging frat boys on the prowl, he sent another text to Loki, the sense of dread growing in the pit of his stomach. `I swear, these frat boys are trying so hard to get me to come to their events I would think this was another gay for pay porno set up. At least two of them were definitely eyeing my dick…`

Nothing. 

His entire life was drowning him. He already had seven chapters to read and he had only attended three classes. He had somehow gotten the information for rush (he was totally not going) and yet as he finally collapsed on his bed at ten that night, he couldn’t think of anything but Loki. 

Tuesday passed in the same desperate haze. Though Sam’s head definitely felt cloudy, things seemed a little less intense as he floated through his other three classes, set up in the library to finish four of his chapters, and met up with Brady and a few new people for dinner. But he still hadn’t heard from Loki and it was driving him crazy. “Hey uh, I’ll see you later. I need to run and do something,” he told Brady after grabbing a cookie and standing up from the table at the cafeteria. His body was screaming, urging him to go find Loki and make sure everything was okay. He just wanted to see the older man, melt against his body, get devoured. 

“Sure, man. Hey uh… you coming out to the Kappa Alpha game?” 

“Uh… I don’t know how long this will take but I’ll meet you there if I get back in time,” Sam reluctantly agreed. 

“Cool, man, cool.” 

_Yeah. Cool._ It took three bus transfers to get close enough to walk to Loki’s apartment and each mile he traveled made Sam feel more worn down. It was like he was walking through fog by the time he got to Loki’s building, and climbing the three flights of stairs felt like he was wading through molasses. _Damn_. College was going to be hell if he was this tired after two days. 

He pushed the thought from his mind as he came to stand before Loki’s door and he sighed as he knocked. He was so close. 

There was a long pause and then he knocked again, fumbling for his key ring before remembering he had given the spare back to Loki. He curled his fingers around his phone and was about to drag it out of his pocket when an annoyed woman with curling black hair and a baby on her hip answered the door. _“Que?”_

Sam blinked at her, confusion bolting through him followed by a rush of adrenaline. His eyes immediately flashed to the door number. Had he knocked on the wrong door? “Uh… Sorry, I was looking for Loki?” 

_“Que? Yo no hablo Ingles.”_

“Uh… _lo siento, yo_ … uh, fuck...sorry, uh… _Quiero Lok… Señor Loki?”_

She shook her head, “No. No Loki,” and shut the door in his face. It was… it was definitely the right door? 

He stumbled back down the stairs and out into the street. The cool air felt like a balm and he breathed in and his body relaxed from the insane tension that had him so taut his spine hurt from it. He looked around him, eyes wide and dragging a deep breath in as he tried to… figure out where the hell he was. 

God, was he hung over? He looked back at the building he had just exited and stared at it, completely taken aback. 

Where was he? 

He didn’t recognize the area, or the building, and he gripped his cell phone tight, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He hadn’t felt like this in mon—weeks? Not since he had left Dean and Dad back in Illinois on the last hunt. This kind of felt like he had just been whammied by a ghost or something. He reached to the small of his back but didn’t feel his gun there and that, in itself, was alarming. A huge wave of relief ran through him. Jesus, he was so fucked up. But he wasn’t on a hunt and he didn’t ever have to do that again. He scrubbed a hand up and down his face and looked up at the building again, a niggling sense of curiosity taunting him before he dismissed it and caught the bus coming down the street that said it was going to Stanford. Okay cool. He was just going to go back to school and see if he could catch up with Brady. He was just going to put all of this weirdness behind him. He had no idea what possessed him… okay wrong word, what had _moved_ him to come to this random building but there was nothing here for him. He boarded the bus with one last look back at the building before he settled into his seat. 

He did not see the amber eyes glowing from the shadows at the side of the building as they watched him ride away. 


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue

“ _Sam. Dean. You’re probably wondering what the hell is going on.”_

The horrible feeling like he was missing something was all but screaming in Sam’s head at the beginning of the _Casa Erotica 13_ video from Gabriel that Dean had started playing. But seeing Gabriel kissing the girl sent a bolt of recognition through Sam, a sense of sick dread and loss filling him right before those fucking words.

Sure, Loki… Gabriel rather, hadn’t said his name with the affection that Sam remembered, but seeing the man staring out at him from the video brought all of it crashing back. Their first film, that first night at Loki’s apartment. The way the man had kissed him so possessively… the way he had felt safe in Loki’s arms.

He was numb. Couldn’t pay attention to the video or the discussion that he and Dean had after. It felt like he was drowning and he got through the rest of the day in a daze. He couldn’t stop thinking about Loki and everything he had left behind. He knew now, Gabriel must have mind-wiped him. Hidden his own existence and everything they had together. He mourned the fact that he hadn’t realized it was Loki when he met him again a few years back, first as the janitor… the trickster, and later as Gabriel, revealing what he really was.

There was that small part of Sam that wondered if Gabriel had regretted his actions, if he missed Sam too. There was another that felt nothing but awe that he had been fucked… had made love to an angel.

So many things fell into place as he reflected back. He couldn’t sleep, even though Dean had obsessively cleaned every gun before falling into his bed in a drunken stupor. Sam lay awake, reclining back on the old mattress and flat pillows, thinking about the man who was now gone for good. He ended up wandering out to the impala, laptop in hand and shut himself into the passenger seat as he watched Loki’s message, rewinding to focus on the introduction with a small smile before skipping to the sex scene after. The flashes of Loki’s solid body and the way he fucked the blonde on the bed brought Sam back. He remembered it all now, how he had felt so taken care of and safe in that first shoot. He recognized now the weight that had seemed to curtain him off from the world must have been Gabriel’s wings, and the thought only brought tears to his eyes.

He couldn’t believe that Lo—Gabriel was gone.

He was nearing the end of the movie, where Loki was roughly fucking into the girl, their moans exaggerated and ridiculous over the tinny speakers of his laptop, when he felt a soft current and a weighty presence behind him.

Something eased within his stomach and he felt a small smile creep up as hands slid over his shoulders before lips were pressing gently into the back of his neck, “Hey, kiddo…”

If they made a mess of the backseat, no one had to know.

FIN


End file.
